Some Kiwi Humor

I remember seeing the first 42 Below Vodka ad circulating on email about 3-4 years ago. Sometimes living away from home, it's easy to forget some of the stuff that makes ya laugh and other people stare at you like you need help.

I figured there must be more, so in between my busy appointments today, I decided to see what I could find.

Well, treasure hunters, you are in luck.

There is a whole collection of this stuff made by 42 Below Vodka. Very much bordering on offending even the PC police, but who cares right?

http://www.42below.com/flashad/storyof42/

Parannoying

I'm paranoid about some things.

I hate it how when you pay for something with your credit card, they give you a receipt with the numbers ALL on it, including the expiry date. That is just dumb.
So I bought a small, cheap shredder a couple of years ago and I shred all that stuff.
I mean, think about. If you picked up some random credit card receipt with that info on it, you could go online and start buying stuff. 2 seconds of research on the web might give you a billing address and you're in 'business'. If it was in the trash with a bank statement, wow, hello PRADA.
So, I'm paranoid about that stuff.
What about digital data? Throwing out a back up CD or DVD that didn't burn correctly or it's out of date? Well, best you destroy that mutha first. I use a huge box cutter and cut the crap out of the surface, and break it up. Old hard drive? Drilling practice.
I see some shredders now have CD/DVD shredding to crunch it up into bits...that's cool.

Anyway, check out this story. It's quite funny, but it goes to show what can happen if an old hard drive gets into the wrong hands, and more importantly that a little privacy paranoia is not a bad thing.

http://www.amirtofangsazan.blogspot.com/

PC World article on wiping Hard Drives
The torn up credit card application on Cockeyed
Why you need a paper shredder

Sonicrave

I have been reading a website for about 3 years now, by a guy Rob Cockerham. The site is www.cockeyed.com. It's an interesting site full of pranks, weird experiments and lost of interesting trivia type stuff.
One of my favorite stories is the one when he tried to win a Chevy Trailblazer. Especially the Epilogue on page 3.
Anyway, he has just done a blurb on 4 awesome products and the second one he chose, was the Sonicare Toothbrush. Recently, Joyce was raving about the orgasmic Sonicare also. Both these people are semi-insane, so I take them seriously.
I had to go get one of these Sonicare toothbrushes for myself.
Firstly, I have already got a Braun Electric toothbrush and 2 days ago, I thought to myself why would I possibly need another electric toothbrush?
Rob said "If you don't have a Sonicare right now, get one when you get paid, or ask for one on your birthday. They will change your life, and probably save you money at your dentist."
Joyce said "oh,oh,ohhhhhhhhhhh.......It's the best money I've ever spent"

So that was it, I went to the 3C and got one. They had three models, but the guy subtlely pointed out the NEW model, the e7300 elite. (like I was ever going to buy any other model)

Well, firstly....it is friggen amazing....and orgasmic. They were not lying to me. I used it 6 times the first night.
So why is it so good? Let me explain. My last braun toothbrush died about 6 months ago, and when I got a new one I took the old one to bits. There wasn't much to it, just a ni-cad AA battery core and a 50 cent electric motor in it, like slotcar motor, only cheaper. They was a plastic cam arrangement (and egg shaped thing) that coverted the rotary motion into a back-and-forth jiggle. That's it. Oh yeah, and a clickclack switch to make it all happen. This is 1910 technology, people.
I haven't take the Sonicare apart (yet) but my observations indicate a few things. It has a signal type activation button, no click clack. It has beeps, it had multicolored status LEDs and programmable timer. This in DIGITAL baby - A friggen computer.
(Philips is the company that invented the CD, so it's hardly surprising)
Apart from that, it uses a classy induction charger and they say it lasts for 2 weeks between chargers, so they include a nice travel case with it - for your up-to-2-week holiday.
I have no idea what the technology is that makes the sonic head do it's digital-sonic thing, but it's amazing. I have never had teeth so clean, so easily.

So there you go. Rush out and buy one of these. It's really expensive, but if it saves one trip to the dentist, it's paid for itself like that, and I am convinced it will.

Sonicare e7300 Elite website
Cockeyed.com

I rike it. I rike it a rot.

If you take a look over at the links there on the right ->
you'll see the word "Frashcards." With an 'r' not an 'l'. It's not a typo, as bad as my typing often is, I actually meant to type it that way.
I have no idea what you'd call it, but in Asia is pretty normal to pronouce english words contain an 'L' or an 'R' around the wrong way.

Hurro. I rike you, no, I ruv you. A rot.

The reason I mention this is I was looking through the blog search statistics, and someone in Japan used yahoo to find this site by typing in "FRASHCARDS". HAHAHAHAHAHA.

See?














It's all to do with the make up of the sound bytes that we learn when we are younger and learning our mother tongue. In chinese, there are 37 sounds that make up the intials and finals of spoken characters. It's known as Bo-Po-Ma-Fa and it's about as close as you could get to the alphabet in Engrish...meaning each sound on it's own usually means nothing. Like B in engrish (on hangon that means something), or P (whoops that too), i (...mmm.), q (yep), x. Yeah like x.
Bearing in mind that I am an engineer, not a liguistics expert, I will continue in saying that at a very early age, learning the BPMF is the foundation of the Chinese language.
Now, it's normal to pronounce a word based on the collection of sounds you are programmed with, and if the BPMF does not have a certain sound we would say in Engrish, then the next closest sound is used.
Native engrish speakers do the same thing when we learn chinese. There are some sounds that are extremely uncomfortable to say for us, due to the way we have learnt to position our tongue....So, when a native engrish speaker speaks in chinese, it can be quite difficult for a native chinese to understand WTF is being said. If you are fortunate enough to be a New Zealander, then no one understands you when you speak engrish, let alone any other language, so you'll be conditioned to it.

Add in the mix that every sound in Chinese has a one of 5 tones (for mandarin) then things get kinda messy. Taiwanese has 9 tones apparently....sheesh.

Sometimes when I ask a chinese speaking friend to interpret for me, I am amazed at how long a dialogue can go on for to get a simple answer. If I could understand more chinese maybe I could translate the diarog myself and it would make sense.
e.g.

1: Yo blood, what's happenin brother?
2: Did you just call me lover brother?
1: I aint got no brother.
2: Then why did you say I'm your lover's brother?
1: Well, it's a blue truck that one.
2: No, wednesday man.
1: Ok, you got it.

And the answer to my question is "Yes". Phew.

So, this is a world wide phenomen, fenomun, phinomin thing, and any way you look at it, it's damn funny. A buddy of mine happens to be a canasian (candian asian) and is perfectly fluent in both Engrish and Chongwen. I think she's an expert in the "L" and the "R" thing. It's pure art when done plopery.

Whenever I have had a long break from chinese lessons and I go back to class, things are a bit rusty.

So I say this to my teacher : "I'm a bit lusty today don't you think?"
Of course, she always agrees: "Yes, you are quite lusty today."

That's an honest answer to an honest question, really.

Chinese tones, initials, finals n shit like that
Gene Simmon's Tongue Transplant
Pork Rind for sale on Ebay that looks like a tongue